2 years

Two years ago today almost to the minute, we lose out on having one of the great personality, one of the great human beings of our time, and a great son to be proud of.
Darren I have gone from anger(for your wreckless driving)(for dieing too young)(for me out living you) and then I think, you are probably angry at yourself too. Darren I go from sad, soooo sad, missing you, missing your smile, missing your phone calls, missing your conspiracy theories, missing your (I am your mom I said so, and hearing in return that's not good enough, I want a better answer) I miss watching you with the nieces and nephews. and it breaks my heart to know that some of them won't remember you and then I remember it is breaking your heart too.
You are with me always. Then I remember we are with you too.
There have been no milestones, no corners to take , no outstanding thoughts to help me feel better and understand this emptiness. Then I remember you are probably thinking the same thing.
I am so glad for the 28 years. I am so glad for that smile, laughter and your tender heart and your sweet soul.
til we meet again,
love and miss you infinity,
mom

sometimes I just want to scream! miss and love you!

The worst words

It has taken me awhile to want to post anything but I decided I needed to share some of the worst words I have ever heard. The first worst words in my life I have ever heard is,,,,in a whisper on the phone "mom Darren's at the coroners." The second worst words I have ever heard in my life are,,,, screaming,unaudible,hard to understand,,, I had to say Beck just give me one word, take a deep breathe just give me one word, I heard"Kendall" I said ok give me another word, "he's dead", I screamed with her. The third worst words I have ever heard are,"David has colon cancer" , the fourth worst words I have ever heard, is " she's gone" my mom had passed away 3 days before Christmas. Strength is a state of mind. I know we all have a story to tell, I know we all have our own stories and that they are life. I know there will be more "worst words" in my life time. My story may be the worst words for others to hear.

I miss Darren and I miss my mom. I didn't know Kendall very well but the few times I was around him I found him very friendly and funny. I wish I could do more for David my oldest son.

I don't take day to day for granted anymore. I see,hear,smell,taste and touch everything differently then I ever did. I appreciate the small things alot more then I ever did.

I am trying with all my might to appreciate the good words and take one step at a time, one day at a time.

Today would have been a sushi day with you. I love and miss you!

mom

memorial picnic

You are always on my mind. We had a bbq to celebrate your life and 30th birthday. It was a bittersweet day for all of us. Balloon release was just a way for us to say we love and miss you.

Alot of friends and family showed up to show their love and support. It was a fun filled day and an emotional roller coaster. love you and miss you.

mom

YOUR 30TH

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I LOVE AND MISS YOU!

MOM