The worst words

It has taken me awhile to want to post anything but I decided I needed to share some of the worst words I have ever heard. The first worst words in my life I have ever heard is,,,,in a whisper on the phone "mom Darren's at the coroners." The second worst words I have ever heard in my life are,,,, screaming,unaudible,hard to understand,,, I had to say Beck just give me one word, take a deep breathe just give me one word, I heard"Kendall" I said ok give me another word, "he's dead", I screamed with her. The third worst words I have ever heard are,"David has colon cancer" , the fourth worst words I have ever heard, is " she's gone" my mom had passed away 3 days before Christmas. Strength is a state of mind. I know we all have a story to tell, I know we all have our own stories and that they are life. I know there will be more "worst words" in my life time. My story may be the worst words for others to hear.

I miss Darren and I miss my mom. I didn't know Kendall very well but the few times I was around him I found him very friendly and funny. I wish I could do more for David my oldest son.

I don't take day to day for granted anymore. I see,hear,smell,taste and touch everything differently then I ever did. I appreciate the small things alot more then I ever did.

I am trying with all my might to appreciate the good words and take one step at a time, one day at a time.

Today would have been a sushi day with you. I love and miss you!

mom

memorial picnic

You are always on my mind. We had a bbq to celebrate your life and 30th birthday. It was a bittersweet day for all of us. Balloon release was just a way for us to say we love and miss you.

Alot of friends and family showed up to show their love and support. It was a fun filled day and an emotional roller coaster. love you and miss you.

mom

YOUR 30TH

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I LOVE AND MISS YOU!

MOM

year mark's are a time for reflection and memories of who you miss and who brought joy and happiness in your life. my sadness tells me how much I love and miss you. appreciation is for the time I did share with you. i love and miss you Darren, wish you were here, love to you always,

mom

year marks

Bitter sweet memories. Today you were married a year ago to the day not date, that will be tomorrow. It was a happy day for you and I am sure you looked forward to many happy years together with your wife. We have more one year anniversaries coming up and I am finding myself sad beyond my plan of sadness. I guess I wanted to gauge or control where I would be with my loss of you. It is impossible to predict day to day how I can make it through without hearing your voice, getting a phone call or just know that you will be there at the next activity. The best way I can describe it is just empty space that nothing can fill. Soon we will be remembering Dennis' wedding and how for some that day is the last day they saw you alive. I was fortunate to see you the Sunday after when you came over and we played that silly solitaire game. I remember the hug good-bye. You put your arm around my shoulder and I put my arm around your waist. ( I remember thinking how tall and skinny you were). I walked you and your wife out the front and watched you walk up the lane (with your bounce) and off you went, the last time I saw you. I am joyful when I think of the years we had together. I am thrilled for the experiences we had together. I wouldn't have wanted to miss any one of them. We laughed, yelled, chatted, talked and learned from our mistakes. Our imperfections were perfect mother and son bond. I miss you and hope like heck you are here with me for the next couple of months. (keep an eye on David he needs it right now) I love you and miss you! mom