9 months

Today the newscaster said "fabulous day" another example how day to day life goes on. Darren it has been 9 months to the day and date since you died. I have read through some of my past posts and not much has changed, it is still hard, it is still sad, it is still painful, it is not much different.... it just keeps going on. The sun is still pretty to see in the morning, the grandkids are still fun to be around, there are still birthdays to be celebrated, games to go to, books to be read, laundry to be done, roof leaks to be repaired, oil changes on the cars, see what I mean, day to day just keeps on going. Can the soul stop, can the spirit stop, can the emotions stop, will the empitness ever feel better. I think not. It will just be there, something to just get use to. I love you and miss you!

6th folder, 6th picture, David after checking rain damage.

Today is the
last day of 2008. This has been a trying year.
(to say the least) After midnight tonight 2008 will
be history. The stories, the issues, the happy times,
the bad times, the sad times will be history. You Darren
will never be history to me. You as well as all your brothers
and sister will never be history to me. You are all apart of my
past my present and my future. No matter what the
story is, no matter what the status is of a situation, you are all
apart of my story. Somethings could have been written
better, somethings I wouldn't have wanted written and somethings
I would like to write right out of the story but......the past, the present make
our story for tomorrow. I will strive to make the best of each story thrown my
way or by way of my kids. If I could trade places I would. I love and miss you
and sure wish you were here to start the new year. You are in my heart. : )

I can't eat
the ones with your name, but they will be saved.

Your friends
are the best. Nikki made these for me. She also said for me
to smile. What a cute tribute to you from your friend.
I love and miss you, mom

6 months

Darren it has been six months since you died. It still isn't easy,it still isn't better, it still hurts,you are still missed and I still think about you every second of the day. Daily functions are a chore and they take alot of energy that I don't know where the energy comes from at times. I am still taking one step at a time, putting one foot in front of the other. that being said.....

You could make me laugh inside with your conspiracy theories, your own ideas of how the world should be run. I can remember when you were young I would tell you to be a lawyer,a debater, get into the government so you could make the changes you wanted. For someone who hated the law you paid alot into it. (darn tickets) I figured out when you were about 12 that I needed to stop whatever I was doing and just listen to you. I also learned not to give my opinion or try to correct your thoughts or thinking. I learned that you just needed to talk and get all the ramblings in your mind verbalized. You were definately a free thinker. I admired that about you. I liked the way you would do whatever you wanted no matter what others thought. I was envious of that quality.

I miss how you use to worry about my neck injury. You wouldn't let me pick up things and you wouldn't let me move things. I use to have to sneak it when you weren't around. You would come over and get after me for doing it. I miss your caring spirit.

I went ahead and made out a Christmas card to you. It just didn't seem right not to have one for you. I will keep it. Your brothers and sisters will think I am crazy when they see it. I can think about you and go on. I can miss you and go on. Nothing stops with you not here. The sun still comes up, the fog is still around, birthdays come and go, activities happen even tho you are thought about, Christmas will come and go and then the New year will begin. I remember telling you guys if anything happened to me you were allowed 2 weeks to mourn me and then go on. have a party, just go on. I rejoice in the time that we did have together. The bittersweet side of that it just wasn't long enough. There is so much you will miss and there is so much of your life and growth I will miss. It is a good thing I know I will see you again and then we will just have to catch up on all the things we missed. I love you and miss you! mom