6 months

Darren it has been six months since you died. It still isn't easy,it still isn't better, it still hurts,you are still missed and I still think about you every second of the day. Daily functions are a chore and they take alot of energy that I don't know where the energy comes from at times. I am still taking one step at a time, putting one foot in front of the other. that being said.....

You could make me laugh inside with your conspiracy theories, your own ideas of how the world should be run. I can remember when you were young I would tell you to be a lawyer,a debater, get into the government so you could make the changes you wanted. For someone who hated the law you paid alot into it. (darn tickets) I figured out when you were about 12 that I needed to stop whatever I was doing and just listen to you. I also learned not to give my opinion or try to correct your thoughts or thinking. I learned that you just needed to talk and get all the ramblings in your mind verbalized. You were definately a free thinker. I admired that about you. I liked the way you would do whatever you wanted no matter what others thought. I was envious of that quality.

I miss how you use to worry about my neck injury. You wouldn't let me pick up things and you wouldn't let me move things. I use to have to sneak it when you weren't around. You would come over and get after me for doing it. I miss your caring spirit.

I went ahead and made out a Christmas card to you. It just didn't seem right not to have one for you. I will keep it. Your brothers and sisters will think I am crazy when they see it. I can think about you and go on. I can miss you and go on. Nothing stops with you not here. The sun still comes up, the fog is still around, birthdays come and go, activities happen even tho you are thought about, Christmas will come and go and then the New year will begin. I remember telling you guys if anything happened to me you were allowed 2 weeks to mourn me and then go on. have a party, just go on. I rejoice in the time that we did have together. The bittersweet side of that it just wasn't long enough. There is so much you will miss and there is so much of your life and growth I will miss. It is a good thing I know I will see you again and then we will just have to catch up on all the things we missed. I love you and miss you! mom