I can't eat
the ones with your name, but they will be saved.

Your friends
are the best. Nikki made these for me. She also said for me
to smile. What a cute tribute to you from your friend.
I love and miss you, mom

6 months

Darren it has been six months since you died. It still isn't easy,it still isn't better, it still hurts,you are still missed and I still think about you every second of the day. Daily functions are a chore and they take alot of energy that I don't know where the energy comes from at times. I am still taking one step at a time, putting one foot in front of the other. that being said.....

You could make me laugh inside with your conspiracy theories, your own ideas of how the world should be run. I can remember when you were young I would tell you to be a lawyer,a debater, get into the government so you could make the changes you wanted. For someone who hated the law you paid alot into it. (darn tickets) I figured out when you were about 12 that I needed to stop whatever I was doing and just listen to you. I also learned not to give my opinion or try to correct your thoughts or thinking. I learned that you just needed to talk and get all the ramblings in your mind verbalized. You were definately a free thinker. I admired that about you. I liked the way you would do whatever you wanted no matter what others thought. I was envious of that quality.

I miss how you use to worry about my neck injury. You wouldn't let me pick up things and you wouldn't let me move things. I use to have to sneak it when you weren't around. You would come over and get after me for doing it. I miss your caring spirit.

I went ahead and made out a Christmas card to you. It just didn't seem right not to have one for you. I will keep it. Your brothers and sisters will think I am crazy when they see it. I can think about you and go on. I can miss you and go on. Nothing stops with you not here. The sun still comes up, the fog is still around, birthdays come and go, activities happen even tho you are thought about, Christmas will come and go and then the New year will begin. I remember telling you guys if anything happened to me you were allowed 2 weeks to mourn me and then go on. have a party, just go on. I rejoice in the time that we did have together. The bittersweet side of that it just wasn't long enough. There is so much you will miss and there is so much of your life and growth I will miss. It is a good thing I know I will see you again and then we will just have to catch up on all the things we missed. I love you and miss you! mom

Changed my mind!This is the one.

I remember this trip like it was yesterday. We went to Texas

to visit Darryl,Vicky,Cassidy and Andrew. Dennis and Karen

met us there. We went kayaking,disc golf and then Shellee joined

us. Darren kept me calm when we were stuck in the elevator

of our hotel. He pried the doors opened and litterally picked me up and

carried me out. He was my hero. I was so happy he was with me.

He swam with Andrew and Cassidy. We played games and just had

fun. He is missed and loved. love, mom p.s. I soooo miss the good stuff.

This is the picture I am going to use for the Concert in the Park and Candlelighting this month to remember our loved ones. Darren is loved by many and missed by all. love and miss you, mom

self help

Since Darren passed away I have been reading books for surviving the loss of a loved one. I have read about the stages of mourning. I am sure it is helpful or I wouldn't keep seeking out helpful hints on how to survive my pain and emptiness. I went to the bookstore the other day looking for something for Josh and I came upon a small littleittybitty book titled, "How to be totally miserable" by John Bytheway. and.... Bytheway is Shane's (grandson) middle name because DeShelle is married to Matt whose relatives are Bytheway's. hmmm, interesting small world. So as I was reading this ittybitty book I read " Some things in this world act, and others are acted upon. Happy people act. Miserable people are acted upon. Thinking about your problems without doing anything about them will ensure that you remain miserable and emotionally groggy. People who jog or take a walk around the block know that moving around and getting their blood flowing somehow gives their brain the energy to sort out all the stuff that's going on. Sometimes even mowing the lawn is great therapy for getting depression off your turf. Happy people get the sun in their hair and the wind in their face. They listen to the birds, smell the flowers, feel the breeze, and suddenly things seem a little better. Those who feel miserable inside often stay inside: those who want to get the misery out of themselves get themselves out of the house and find something to do. " yikes, baby steps. If it weren't for the grandkids I wouldn't get out, soooo, I need to start getting out. When I visited Colorado I felt good about being out, when Darren's friends have come by and I go out, I feel alot better, when I go see family I feel alot better, soooo maybe there is something to this getting out and getting the blood flowing to the brain. Darren, I miss you and feel so bad that you are not here for birthdays, Thanksgiving, Christmas or for any other time a get together is warranted. I know you would want me to get up and out to keep the blood to my soul flowing. I love you and miss you! mom